Failure

     I never cease to be amazed at how we can be patient and kind with people outside our family, but can be so quick tempered with the ones we love. Yes, I struggle with this. A lot. Especially during those frustrating times in life. Just like a teapot, things start boiling inside and you can't let that steam off at strangers or customers. Instead, your family gets scalded. Why do we do this?! Why can I not stop doing this?! Oh, right. It's become a habit. That's why. Argh!

     So between my biting off loved ones' heads, lackluster prayer life, nearly non-existent personal Bible study, and my usual selfishly-caught-up-in-my-own-problems problem, I feel like a failure. Failing my God. Failing my family. Failing my friends. "How did I get to this point?" I ask myself. Oh, right. See above. And I realize that we all travel valleys and mountains in our walk with God. And that that's okay. Whatever unbalanced person that got it started that a Christian has to be on a spiritual high with God all the time or there's something wrong with you, has something seriously wrong with them. So, I guess right now I'm lost in the woods. Wait. A better description would be a boat adrift. I can see the shore. I know what I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm floundering.
  
     There's the root of my feelings of failure. (light bulb moment!) I know what needs to be done in this relationship with my Savior, but I've not been putting forth the effort. There He sits, waiting patiently for me. But I'm too busy. You know what's crazy? I'm too busy for the things that will soothe away the stresses of my day. How dumb is that?! Confession #2 - I'm a dumb human. In times like this I just want to run away to a quiet monastery for three months and soak up the tranquility. To take quiet walks, write, and say my prayers while stargazing. But this is not possible. Okay, it would be possible if I quit my job and and hitch-hiked to some uber awesome monastery in England. Which, yeah, would go over like a lead balloon with some important people named Dad and Mom.

     So, I'll have to create some sort of monastery for myself. Carve out some quiet time each day. Live more purposefully. Be more gentle at home. Remember that He is my strength and peace.

Note: Sorry if this didn't flow well! I haven't written for a long time but knew I needed to get it going again. So here it is in all it's messy glory!